I might catch a bit of flack by making this in Flash, but there was no way to get the text to work in a gif. There were some issues with the symbols turning red on the timeline and one of the movie clips wasn't playing, so my attempts at grabbing each frame and adding text in GIMP was denied success. You'll survive, I'm sure. In retrospect I should've made the whole thing in GIMP, but it was as much about symbol building for later use as anything else.
If you happen to be on a mobile device, since I feel so bad about this being a .swf, the text is as follows:
TS: "Wow! 'In recognition of her selfless efforts to recover priceless artifacts of great religious significance, Pope Swag the Only has made a decision to beatify the legendary Equestrian hero, Daring Do!' Rainbow, do you know what this means?!"
RD: "It means I have to rewrite all my fan fiction!"
And yes, I know you have to be dead to be canonized. I got around that. If you can't tell, Twilight is reading The Onion. So I don't own The Onion or ponies, as you may have guessed, but the more astute viewer will recognize the newspaper as a vector of that wielded by the Newspaper Zombie in Plants VS. Zombies, something I also do not own.
YOU R RIGHT DASH!